Depression

"Certain emergence is the freshness of forward vision that we arise with each day. As a sense of our own power, freedom and purpose, it is inspiring; it is demanding. It thrusts us fully into the moment arising, beyond supression and indulgence- we open with confidence to relate with all that is." -Kali Ma

There are several ways in which depression can arise (five actually), one has to do with a lack of certain confidence in awake nature, or certain emergence. This depression arises in response to pain and suffering. Depression is one of the five poisonous states of being, usually referred to as ignorance or denial. It is the state of ignorance because it is set in motion by us ignoring the open and dynamic nature of things. In depression we freeze over, drift away, and shut down, rather than relate to the suffering, intensity, challenge, vastness, reciprocity and complexity that is before us. Rather than deal with the circumstances at hand creatively or in a state of innate inspiration, in the empowered state of dancing with what is, instead something in us has given up. We find ourselves numbed, sedated, neutralized. We can only give into depression when we forget the primary quality of our own nature- that we can certainly emerge from whatever darkness is before us; that the basic richness of existence is certainly emerging before us.

We fall into depression when we lose our sense of “certain emergence.” Certain emergence is better than hope, it is the confidence in knowing that suffering, in its particular form that is arising for us, is, as all things, open-ended and therefore certainty that it is completely possible in all and any moments to be liberated from its bondage. It is instantaneous rather than future oriented- the sense of emergence is already occuring, and that is the reason for the certainty. Without the sense of certain emergence to rise above, to see through, to transform, there is only the suffering at hand. When our focus becomes fixated on this, without the sense of possibility that certain emergence brings, then we may shut down. Our nervous system and energy freezes. This doesn’t actually get us out of relating to the pain, suffering, problems, obstacles, changes, or confusions- instead it just changes the way we relate to them. In the shut down that is depression- we relate with what is arising, but do so unconsciously.

Our own minds terrify us. We take the suffering of this moment and project it onto all moments as if samsara is the most reliable thing, as if our karma were permanent and solid and therefore inescapable. If we believe this to be true- we experience it to be true whether it is true or not. Then the moment not only carries the pain of what is currently arising, it also carries the overwhelming burden of having to keep enduring that pain continuously for the rest of time. But this imagined life-sentence to samsara is only maintained by misconception- the belief in the fixed reality of one’s own personal karmic nightmare. Our focus, our view is so powerful. When our view is fixed, then we experience situations as fixed whether they are or not. And so when life circumstances arise in a way that is beyond what we feel we can handle, it is easy to fixate on what has gone wrong and then to become negative. We then begin declaring ourselves helpless as if the cause of our state of being, the cause of our experience is determined by circumstance, by other, and therefore we are stuck.

It does not need to be so. It is possible to govern our own experience. It is possible to make poison into nectar. It is possible to find, in the endless resources of our being, the capacity to handle what is before us and to not just handle it, but to dance with it. The science of HOW to do this is the inner Yoga practices of the Mahasiddhas. These practices ignite within us the confidence and power to creatively engage with our life. The inner Yoga practices ignite within us the sense of certain emergence, the knowing that we can relate with whatever comes, and that this relating is our innate nature. Truly this is Tantra, the communication with existence through which we commune with our own nature.

With a sense of certain emergence we can develop ourselves to be open to what is more than we think we can deal with. We can train our nervous system and therefore our mind and emotions and vice versa so that we are ready to open to difficulty and obstacles. We are ready because we do not build tensions when they arise, and we do not freeze. Instead we digest and transform what is arising. We consume life whole. When cannot do this spontaneously (dzochen) we do so through methods (tantra- the inner yogas). We tap into our innate resourcefulness. We discover our own basic goodness and through the power of our view, practices and conduct, find the nourishment in what is before us. We become open to being annihilated and to things falling apart and take it all in stride. Annihilation is no problem when there is no fixed view of self. We are open to let go because we see through our meditation there is nothing to lose, no ground to keep in the first place. And this is not bad news; it is exhilarating news. It puts us on the spot. The only place to be.

Because obstacles, and situations that we do not choose will always arise, it is a matter of maturity to recognize they may arise in advance. Then we do not allow our minds to get stuck in shock over samsara. The big surprise of samsara- that things will not always be the way you want- is faced. The big shock of samsara- that suffering exists, is recognized. The big surprise of spiritual maturity must be faced, that there is no happily ever after- only this moment and how we choose to relate to it.  Then we do not waste time allowing our minds to get stuck in self-pity or denial. Then we do not drift off into space thinking about how it could have been, how it could be if things were different, or with someone else, or somewhere else. Instead abandon fantasy-land for what is and actually relate to it. It happened. It is happening. Now we relate to it. And we the how to relate to it is not known, we return to our sadhanas to be guided. That relationship with all things is what all the dharma teachings are about, what Tantra is about transforming, what dzogchen tantra is about recognizing.

Additionally there are more teachings about dealing with depression that must be given and I look forward to sharing these with you in person.

Kali Ma

Los Angeles, California May 2006